Today is my birthday, and my son turned one on July 11th. What a year this has been! I am not sure where the time has gone. While some days were incredibly long, the months have passed in the blink of an eye. In addition to my birthday, I am celebrating other significant milestones, including one year of breastfeeding, a journey in its final chapters. This past year has been the most incredible, exhausting, exhilarating year of my life. Max has changed my life in the most wonderful way. And while the year has been overwhelmingly amazing, it has also been challenging.
I’ve done hard things (e.g., military boot camp and working in Sierra Leone during Ebola), but this first year of motherhood was one of the hardest. Motherhood has tested me in ways I never imagined, pushing me to my limits and teaching me about resilience, patience, and love.
The experience was challenging physically. I hadn’t had 8 hours of continuous sleep in a year, nursing and then pumping around the clock, middle-of-the-night wake-ups, postpartum hair loss (comment below if you want me to do a post about this), and pretty much having a single-parent experience for five months while Matt was completing military training. The lack of sleep and constant demands on my body were exhausting. Yet, I found strength in the routine, knowing that every moment of care was a testament to my love for Max. Yes, it was tough physically, but the emotional journey is where things got interesting.
I don’t think I’ve ever cried as much as I did this past year. I cried for all kinds of reasons. Some nights, I cried because I was just exhausted, and other nights, I cried because Max was teething, and I wanted to do everything to make him feel better. The emotional rollercoaster of motherhood is like nothing I’ve ever experienced. The sheer intensity of feelings, from the depths of exhaustion to the heights of joy, has reshaped my understanding of myself.
Some days, I cried tears of joy. When he first said Mama, my heart nearly imploded. I cried when he started walking at nine months, and I happily cried the first time he ever intentionally hugged me. Those moments of pure, unfiltered joy are the memories I will cherish forever. So yes, I cried so much this first year!
Max has also made me laugh this past year. He is genuinely hilarious. The stuff he comes up with! And his laugh. Oh, my goodness. I would do anything to make him laugh. His smile and his giggles are everything. His facial expression had me in stitches the first time he tried bananas. He is so expressive, and his curiosity about the world around him is contagious. Watching him explore and discover new things brings a sense of wonder and excitement to everyday life.
I can gush about him forever. I thank God every single day for him. I can’t believe I get to be his mom. Being a mother has given my life new purpose and meaning. It’s a role I embrace with all my heart despite the challenges and sleepless nights.
Lessons Learned
I’m proud of the things I was able to teach Max, but he probably taught me even more. Here are some of the invaluable lessons he has imparted to me:
- Being Present
Max reminds me every single day about the power of being present because he is the truest form of being present. His ability to live in the moment, without worries about the past or future, is a beautiful reminder to slow down and appreciate the here and now. - Wonder and Awe
Watching Max discover the world has been one of the best gifts of this experience. He is genuinely seeing so many things for the first time. I love watching his eyes light up when he sees a motorcycle on the street, a dog in the park, the birds in the sky. He reminds me to appreciate the magic found in all things. The simple joys and everyday miracles we overlook have become a source of daily inspiration. - The Power of Play
I love playing with Max and his toys. It’s simple and uncomplicated and allows me to step more into his world. Through play, I’ve rediscovered the joy of imagination and creativity. It’s a time for us to bond, laugh, and explore together, free from the distractions and demands of adult life.
The Year of Matt
I am grateful to Matthew for being such a wonderful father. It was not easy for him to be away from us. He missed significant milestones, and though we visited as much as we could and video-called every night, I know how much he missed us. We deeply missed him, too. Watching Matthew become a father has been another unique part of this first year. I do my best to tell him every single day. We are so happy he is back and I am so proud of him.
Excited for the next chapter
I am excited for the next chapter as I enter this new year. Max is entering his toddler era, and I am entering my boldest era yet! I previously wrote about how having Max lit a fire under me, and that continues to be true. I feel like my world has expanded. I feel inspired and motivated. I want to be a good role model for him. His presence in my life has pushed me to strive for more, to set higher goals, and to pursue my dreams with renewed vigor.
I am excited to resume a few activities. Though I did exercise this past year, I am ready for more intense workouts. I also look forward to returning to the ocean for a few dives. We are also talking about all the travel we would love to do!
As I reflect on this past year, I am filled with gratitude. Gratitude for the lessons learned, the love shared, and the memories made. Max has enriched my life in ways I never thought possible, and I am excited to see what the future holds for us. Here’s to many more years of growth, laughter, and love.
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